Bleu Hart​​

December 2016

​I recently went to India for a Habitat for Humanity trip.  I do one of these every year.  I am fascinated with buildings and I get to travel the world and experience a little bit of everything.  My latest trip brought a lot of adventure which most others would not necessarily describe it like that but I'll start by saying, I'm different.  I'm a laid back, tomboy, who likes to joke, and make inappropriate bets.  I don't make a big deal out of everything.  I'm non-religious and non-political.  I have no interest in marriage or children and I am a nomad at heart.

To start, I was supposed to end up in Amsterdam for a few hours to hang out.  The airline had a different idea and I ended up in London with little time to spare between flights.  I was told not to re-check my bag.  I have flown internationally before and this did not seem right so, of course, I checked for it.  They lost my luggage somewhere between London and Goa.  Maybe the airline could tell you where it was since that whole idea of scanning a tag on a bag is so outdated???  

So if you haven't heard, there is a money issue in India right now.  You can't get cash.  I had all of $86 the entire trip since the only place you could exchange was the airport.  Did I mention I was there for 10 full days?  Two girls from our trip were "stuck" in Paris since their Visa for India would not get approved until a few days later.  They are both 19.  Their first experience in India is riding with one of our drivers and him hitting someone on a motorcycle.  They are terrified to ride with taxis drivers currently.  The police tried to extort money out of our group during a border patrol.  Still not sure what our driver said to get out of that one.  Another group tried to get money from us at another place, our driver almost ran the guy over since he wouldn't get out of the way.  

I met a few people on the trip that I got along with, one in particular, who was the ladies' man of the group.  Let's call him SB, not for son of a bitch though.  We ended up at the beach the last day we were all in India.  They kept repeating, "Do NOT get in the water."  We walked on the beach and the billboard posted showed dead bodies on it.  People had died in the water which was highly contaminated.  SB decided he wanted to swim without drinking the water.  He swore he would not put his head under water.  I'm holding his clothes as he swims in his boxers in the ocean while I'm fending off a local who has decided he fancies me.  After I hand the clothes back and we hustle off the beach, he realizes his flight is that night and his clothes are packed in our other car so he is not feeling so fresh.  We proceed to a market where I buy him clothes since he has no cash on him.  He was polite in the market which turned out to be a mistake as they thought he wanted to purchase the items.  A pair of WiFi flip flops, a green Ghandi t-shirt and these ugly green striped shorts later, he was decked out in local hippy, Indian garb.  He wore them on the plane, it was fantastic.

I went with SB to the airport to finally get my luggage and to drop him off for his flight.  We are riding in the same car that hit the motorcycle previously.  SB buckles his seatbelt and I laugh as we speed off.  He and I chat as we fly through roads.  I look to my right and there is a man dressed as Santa on the side of the road.  He is doing jumping jacks.  I point out that Indian Santa is very fit and we notice we are surrounded by people in Santa hats as we continue to speed.  If you have never experienced riding around in India, or any other country, I recommend it.  It's an experience you will never forget.

The next day, I am flying home but the airline has other plans for me.  They state that I do not have a boarding pass.  I have a seat on the plane but my tickets were "transferred."  I have to purchase tickets to get out of the country.  I end up deciding to stay in Paris for a few days since I might as well, the airline has completely messed up my flights anyway.

Christmas in Paris - December 2016

I have luggage in Paris but since I was not planning on staying in Paris, it is cold.  I have to shop for clothes.  Three women, including myself, plus SB are in Paris.  We are staying at two different places.  We all meet up at Notre Dame and spend the day roaming Paris.  

While we are at the Eiffel Tower, SB yells out that he loves me.  I jokingly asked if he is going to propose to me at the top of the tower and he nods, stating, "With a ring pop."  I find this fantastic so I give him the thumbs up.  Let's also reiterate that I have no interest in marriage and never have.  

After we make our way through security, I realize that I have no interest in going up this tower.  It was less impressive up close.  I tell everyone that I will wait for them.  SB decides he will wait with me.  We end up walking outside of the gate and a guy walks up to us.  He asks if we are married and SB responds with a "Yes."  "You are a beautiful couple," was his response.  I go along with the game because it's an adventure and you will learn that I love adventures.  The guy proceeds to tie our hands with these strings.  Neither SB or I ask questions as the guy's friend walks about and speaks to me.  

His friend asks if we have any children.  I respond with, "No, we are newlyweds."  He states, "You should have kids together.  I have 5 of them.  Tonight, you go home, make boom boom, and have babies."  I find this statement hilarious on multiple fronts so I tell him that I will do that.  They finish tying our hands and say, "You are married in Ghana now."  SB and I find this funny.  We assumed the whole thing was a scam.  We walked away, laughing.  I catch SB up on our boom boom conversation which he finds just as funny as I do.  

We end up in a small cafe.  The waiter brings over water in a vodka bottle.  SB asks, "What are we going to do on our first night together, wifey?"  Somehow, we end up searching for hookers on the internet.  The opportunities for hookers in Paris is pretty impressive.  Their websites are very detailed in what they will or will not do with you.  Turns out, they are also quite expensive.  

SB and I settle on going to a strip club with the two girls who are with us.  We all give our free lap dances to SB and he claims that I'm the best wife ever.  I was his stripper getter.  He would pick out the girl and I would get her for him.  For his last dance, he wanted one female and I said, "No, I"m picking out your last dance."  He enjoyed his first strip club experience.  Oh, have I mentioned that SB is only 21 at the time?    

We return to our hotel and SB is locked out of his own room.  His roommate disappeared on us.  SB ends up sleeping on the pull out sofa with me.  He warns, "I steal covers when I sleep."  I wake up in the middle of the night, freezing.  Again, it's cold in Paris.  I grab any clothes I can reach for to cover myself up.  When I wake up the next morning, I immediately inform SB that I want a divorce.  He feels bad so he and one of the girls decide to cuddle with me.  SB left for the States that day.  His birthday was the following day and he wanted to spend it with his family.